The Beginning

I guess, looking back one could say I was prepared from when I was a child to one-day have my own. From as far back as I can remember I’ve always enjoyed a mutually positive attractive energy with babies. I would simply walk into a room and if there’s a baby there, it would stare at me and want to give me its toys or whatever it was hiding that it was told never to play with. I would hold an irate baby and it would stop crying and next minute I’m immersed in its secret world of mismatched language but lots of laughs and hugs. I was always comfortable with and around them and I could, if the need arouse, look after any sized baby anytime– no problem!

But somehow a month into 25, on a warm Thursday in October, before a status meeting with a client, on the subject line of an email, finding out that my ex-girlfriend was “pregnant and keeping it”…was like being hit by a falling brick when you think it’s a rain drop – totally not what I was prepared for!

Going to see her later that extremely unproductive day was tough but I left after we’d made the commitment that we would have the baby in spite of the fact that we’d just broken up a week before. After that going home to tell my mother didn’t seem like such a crazy idea - and it wasn’t, coz she was calm and cool about the whole thing and she didn’t even reach for the phone to call her sister in tears while secretly wishing that they had swapped kids years ago.

The first 2 moths were ok, my bank account was affectionately known as my Pampers Paper, my friends were supportive, I finally knew what the inside of an Ackerman’s looked like, I was a new and welcomed citizen to Baby City. I felt like “ok I got this – it really isn’t not so bad.” Of course the pregnancy was to last another 7 months. Making it a total of 6,600 long, nerve destroying, and extremely uncomfortable hours – especially when your baby mama didn’t and never will accept your current girlfriend. Situation was grim and getting grimmer when according to her, because I’d left, I took with me the right for my baby to have my surname.

It was tough getting over that coz I can still recall terrible nightmares of walking around, wearing matching “Baby & Daddy” T-shirts with this light skinned, beautiful baby that looks nothing like me and everyone we pass along the way is very quick to remind me of that glaringly obvious fact – this is when I’d wake up.

But it was cool, we both got through it and at 10:30 on the 3rd of July ‘07, Khaya was born and she had my nose and my eyes – thank God! The most nerve depleting day of my life turned to the best day ever when I held her and whispered to her that I love her and that she must remember the voice in her tiny ear coz it will always be on her side - unconditionally, no matter what. I was officially a father.


But when the stress of the pregnancy ended, it was very quickly replaced with the stress of baby mama drama! And in this drama, she was the only star! No script for a co-star but plenty of lines for a coaster – me. As in any drama, hers had a storyline as well and at the end of every episode the ending was always the sounded something like this:

• Rule #1: My baby (Her baby?) doesn’t leave my house!
• Rule #2: I’m always right (always?)!
• Rule #3: I don’t need you! – (But make sure you have the Pampers tomorrow when you come. I need money for the doctor. I need money for Nan, I need money for when she starts going to school one day – I know she’s a week old but I want to start saving now, What!! That’s not enough)
• Rule #4: I’m more than happy for you to be involved in raising my child (her child?) as long as you stick to rules 1 – 3.
• Oh yeah I almost forgot Rule #5: Fuck You!

The A+ I got for Drama in high school did nothing to prepare me for the soap opera I was to call my life for the next 18 months…

I wont bore you with the rest of my story, in part because at the time of writing my almost 2-year-old daughter - Khaya’s mom was not there to defend herself & lord knows she got her fair share of baby daddy drama as well. Also this blog is not about me. It’s about people like me, young, single fathers and their experiences with their kids. But also in part because Khaya’s mum and myself have evolved past our fear based, petty behaviour and we’ve chosen rather focus all that energy on our beautiful baby girl.

What you’ll find on this blog are some of the cool things I’ve come across and recommend that single dads do with their kids - whether you’re father to a boy or a girl.

But before all the cool, child friendly hangout spots, books to read, things to try and buy or whatever– in my experience, the coolest thing any single dad can do for himself is to understand his paternal rights as an unmarried father. So I’ve included as much of the South African laws and by laws as possible for those that need it – please feel free to add more or whatever.

You're welcome to get involved where you want to by posting your comments, advice, suggestions, recommendations, experiences or even your baby mama drama episodes.

As for the rest of it, this is also just my way of sharing my bi-weekly adventures as a daddy to Khaya.

Enjoy!